Checkboxes

Upon watching Glee, I realized that there are somethings in these life I didn't achieve or yet to achieve. I don't know why I feel this envy thing. I envy them because they do have the chance to expose themselves in the spotlight and have the chance to sing it aloud. I envy them because they did what I haven't, to take a lead to renovate myself and expose what I can do. I failed my inner dream to be a singer.

Let me tell you something, online journal. I sing for the most of my life. At the bathroom and even outside the bathroom. It's like I DON'T care how our neighbors feel about my voice drilling down their eardrums or waking up their sleeping non-energy carrying souls. I care about the thought that our home is like a stage, a place where I am safe to sing. No one will scold at you because of those flats and sharps. No one will have to tell you "Stop singing, you're not good at it". The thought that my family supports me relieves me and makes me continue this journey. This journey of a forked way of not misleading directions, but paths of checkboxes where I don't have to choose one but to have them one at a time until the time comes I have them all, NO REGRETS. 

Online journal, my life is very complex. Even when I started going to school, everything was always at chaos. I don't know how to handle my talents (I think the right word). Actually my parents discover my talent for singing when I was still a toddler. I sung Nandito Ako by none other than Ogie Alcasid. And the rest gave me the opportunity to further enhance my talent. I always sing at flag ceremonies, Cabuyao Hymn, where I am always the one to sing that part. I always have that microphone at hand, the sun facing me as if a spotlight (no kidding, our school's stage faces the east and that's 6:30 am). My voice's a little higher then. I always reach the high B. Bravo! Later that 6 year journey, during grade 6, my teacher offered me a chance to join my first inter school competition. I remember my piece is "if we hold on together", which I have on hand a cassette tape on hand originally bought by mother. I was about to take that challenge when suddenly I have to choose whether I will take our classes or I will join it. Coupled with the fear of losing and low confidence in myself, I gave the opportunity to Princess, a 5th grader that time. 

From that moment on, my star slightly grow dimmer.

However, the star shone bright again when I was in high school. My teacher in English told me to sing The Journey in front of the class. It was our elementary graduation song and it feels like the odds brought me into this chances again. Later that day, she told me to Audition (with a capital A) for the School's choir. I saw this AGAIN as an opportunity so I grab it. My audition piece was a simple Amen song (since our choir group sings every Saturday for our school's anticipated masses). That simple song must not be thought of as a nothing because it shows off every little note, like a vocalization technique. From a lower to a higher pitch. I even said to myself it would get even better if I sing it with a backup to handle the second voices. However, everything went fine and I became part of the school choir labeled Tenors. That was not the first time I heard of that word. 

Every Saturday was a concert for me. I miss my co-choirs. Always. Everytime we sing together and serve God, it feels like I am an angel sent by God from above.

Then high school's over. The singing again is over. With a single winning intra school Campus Duets as champions for the piece If I Ain't Got you with Petit, my co-duet, the ball rolled over again to turn me into an ordinary me again. The lights, again, turned off. When I stepped college, I became a geek again. Actually, I told to myself that if I would not become someone that will never be me someday, I will compensate into studying, studying and studying. For two years, that is my life. Review here and there even tougher during major exams. I missed the FEU Theater Guild and FEU Chorale auditions. I even envy Yza, my classmate, because she did have the guts to audition at the chorale and luckily she became part. But she told me the rehearsals are harder each day. They even pack up as late as 9 pm. 

 The door, AGAIN, opened up for me. The try-outs for the Talentpool of JPIA became a key for me to expose my singing skills. The General Assembly was the time when I have the chance to sing it aloud. With the piece What Makes you Beautiful/ Call me Maybe Mashup by One Directions and Carly Rae Jepsen, our Talentpool team made an uproar. It was the first time I performed inside the FEU Auditorium, an old-theater-like ambiance which only a little smaller compared to others abroad. The second time I performed was when I joined the Singing competition of IABF. Though I didn't win that contest, It was an experience for me to get better the next time. 

I think I'm a Gleek. Downloading the 2nd season because I'm through with the first. I'm trying to relate myself into it. Reflecting the "failure direction" I didn't took. Looking at the path that's webby, dusty and old. Only waiting to be unraveled again by no one but me. My singing career still waiting for me to revisit the thought that after college, I still may have the chance to polish my talent and make known to the world that there has been a miniature part of the Earth named Charles Anson Renz A. Cambaling who moved it and told to hiimself that he did have the guts to take even for the best of both worlds. 

-carac I will always believe in the beauty of my dreams